yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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