After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
