ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
