erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
