oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
