So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
