He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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