Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
