We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
