i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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