He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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