i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
