yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
