ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
