can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
