He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
