Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
