Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
