I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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