her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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