I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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