I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
