Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Text me some of your sweat
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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