6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
