It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
