Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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