Can i not drive my cunt home
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
