My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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