Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
