dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
