Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize