Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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