I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
