I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
