you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
