I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
