turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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