"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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