If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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