I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
