Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
