took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
