I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
