i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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