two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
