Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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