I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize