You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize