you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
