how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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