I showed him my bush... on skype.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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