My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
