Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
