my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So many bounce houses so little time
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
