grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
