Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
