then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize