Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
