Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
