I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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