I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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