we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
