i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
