i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
