Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
