Me. At least after what I've been through.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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