are you so shy because you have an std?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
