i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
