remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
