i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
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