Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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