the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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