A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
