so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
