We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
