Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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