they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
