I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
