just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
