Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
