Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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