why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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