Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
