I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
