I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
