Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
