So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
