Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
