i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
