you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
