I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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