Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
