doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
