why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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