You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
