It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
