hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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